When her no means no

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ON a normal Sunday evening, browsing my Facebook newsfeed in order to put off applying for jobs, masters and generally facing the real world, I stumbled upon the biggest load of rubbish I’ve ever read.

On reflection I could understand some of the authors’ points about girls who purposefully tease, even when they have decided to have sex (nothing wrong with that, as long as both parties are happy to continue at all stages without coercion), but the way Vincent Vinturi argues his point is incredibly offensive, a massive generalisation, and a piece condoning rape.

I thought that this must be a joke, so had a look at the website it came from. Articles by other authors are called, “How To Seduce A Lesbian As A Straight Man” and “6 Reasons Not To Rape A Girl”.

Vincent writes that there are various circumstances “When Her No Means Yes”. The base of Vincent’s article is that “Women RESPECT this sexual insistence”.

Members of both sexes would admit that it’s nice to be flattered by someone’s efforts, but to be consistently pestered all night is irritating, creepy, and scary. Vincent says if a lady comes back to your bedroom, “she is open to being seduced.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t be there.” Third year Psychology student, Heidi Muir, said: “A girl is well within her rights to change her mind at ANY stage of going back with a guy.

Attempts shouldn’t be made to manipulate the girl, or convince her she hasn’t really changed her mind.”

People change their minds about things all the time, so why would sex be any different?

At the start of a night out, going in on the 2-4-1 cocktails, or making a punch so full of alcohol that you could disinfect a wound, seem like fabulous ideas.

By 1am, it was the worst idea in the world. Why would this be any different with sex?

You might meet someone in a dark and dingy club, only to get back to theirs and realise you have a 9am tomorrow and should go home.

Or that things are moving too fast. Vincent labels all who like to engage in consensual sex as “the consent crowd.” He goes on to claim that, “In the modern context, rape is essentially the act of ultimate validation and a rape accusation is the ultimate act of attention whoring.”

He says, “Women have begun to routinely accuse men of rape purely for the ego validation that the onslaught of attention brings them”.

Although it isn’t unheard of, it’s certainly not common. A study by the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) revealed that over a 17-month test period there were 5,651 prosecutions for rape in England and Wales.

Over the same time span, there were only 35 prosecutions for making false allegations of rape, and three that involved false allegations of both rape and domestic violence.

Vincent carries on digging when he writes, “It’s in the nature of beautiful women to resist, test, protest, sabotage and make your job of fucking them difficult.”

There are plenty of beautiful women
who know what they want from a man and choose to get it – they don’t have to be persuaded into it by some manchild who thinks he’s God’s gift.

Vinturi hasn’t considered that maybe girls say no because he is repulsive.
Not only is his ‘article’ incredibly demeaning, painting women as attention whores, it makes men out to be sex- obsessed, forceful pig-beings not fit for social interactions.

This is an unfair representation of men, as most men will be just as disgusted by his views as women are.
It’s important to remember that rape
is not a female only issue.

UK charity Mankind said that 3 in 20 men are affected by sexual violence.

Men should be just as aware of the dangers and as considerate of serious psychological issues caused by rape. Poking fun at victims and condoning the behaviour of rapists as lads’ banter is inexcusable.

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