by Zoe Stabler
What happened to five years
Of being perfectly content
Wasting each other’s free time?
What happened to sixteen year old
Whiskey binges
In ever-changing houses
Or blood-warm beer
On star-spangled summer evenings
Surrounding fires
Surrounded by friends?
What happened to dumb in-jokes
Or made up songs that never lost their magic
Even when we charged headfirst
Over the cusp of adulthood?
What happened to pub nights,
Nonsensical conversations,
Abstract dreams and ideas
Bubbling through our brains
Forming a head between us,
The only people to whom any of it made any sense?
What happened to you?
Because I remember.
I remember your relationships before,
Remember our blasé approach to first times,
Dry spells,
Hearing cawed questions about
Sex
And girlfriends
But ignoring it all.
I remember you coming to me
Because you’d taken an adolescent shine,
To a girl who took your good intentions,
Ground them up
And pushed them down another man’s throat.
I remember talking to you.
When no one else would listen.
Telling you about the weight of
Abuse, from her, from her parents,
Seemingly from anyone she touched.
Months later,
And you came to me.
I heard you ask if it was okay with me
If you caught the load I forced from my shoulders
With such fury that I nearly lost my head with it.
You asked.
And I answered.
“She’s not my concern anymore.”
I asked one thing of you.
“Her touch is poison,
At least where I’m concerned.
Promise me.
On every memory we’ve shared
On the times we were both down
And pulled each other from the ashes.
Promise she won’t make you hate me.”
Three months later.
We never talk.
But I kept the invites going
Because maybe you were busy working
Or if you were seeing her that was okay
Because I was sure you’d make time when you could.
Five months later and
The invites stop.
What happened?
Take your knife out of my back
Take your broken promise
The only one I ever asked you to make
And fucking swallow them both.
I hope you choke.
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