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I try

• Daniel Budden
• 26 Feb 2007 12:00

I went to watch the Ospreys and I was confused.

And it wasn't from not knowing anything about rugby. On the contrary, nearly every games lesson during my wintry childhood was spent gleefully chasing the egg. A good teacher and plenty of practice meant that although I was nothing special, I was a keen yet not completely useless player.

But there was a problem. For the non-locals: in a South Wales valley school they assume you are familiar with the rules of rugby before your parents have even taught you how to wipe your bum. But having only come to Wales at the age of 4, I must have missed the boat somewhere.

So although I knew intimately how to tackle, throw and conduct myself in the various positions, I was not very sure of what was actually going on at any point. It was a bit like teaching somebody how to drive - how to handle the gearbox and control the steering - and then letting them out on the road without telling them what side to drive on.

It was always going to lead to disaster. Injuries to first-team players gave me my first opportunity for the school team, and it was only thanks to the pleading of the entire squad that "it's his first game ref" that I was not sent off. To this day, I still don't know what I did wrong.

Enter the Ospreys. I thoroughly enjoyed watching how the backs made dummy runs, zig-zagging around each other, and how the forwards would drive over the ball as a single unit. But every so often the proceedings seemed to stop for some reason. And then someone would have a kick. And then everyone would cheer. Or groan. Now and again the referee would get bored, and make them have a scrum in the hope that the players would entertainingly crack their heads together. Line-outs seemed to be attributed randomly.

In the end they won 31-10. I know how but I know not why.

P.S. Joss Stone's style in the Brits completely ripped off Crystal from retro cartoon Crystal Tips and Alistair. Check it out.

Joss Stone: Click
Crystal Tips: Click.

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