Blogs
Master of the universe...
- 26 Feb 2007 09:00
The Waterfront's agony uncle Jamie answers more of your questions.
As a magnet of female folk, like yourself, I am in desperate need of suggestions on how to keep them all at bay.
Advice please...
Tell me about it! All this female attention is rather distracting! If only I could attract iron filings, now that would be cool! Like that guy off of that film, X-men! The problem is that I understand iron filings and I don't understand women. Women aren't like iron filings. I just thought I should do my public duty and inform everyone of that fact.
If the problem really is as bad as you say, I sympathise (actually, I'll admit I'm a tad jealous). Do the police sell second-hand riot shields? If not, they'll be available in Tesco Value soon enough, they have pretty much everything else!
Love Jamie x
How can I become the master of the universe?
Isn't there a How to be the Master of the Universe for Dummies? I know they have plenty of books in the series, including the very good How to Convince People that You Really Aren't a Geek, Honest! for Dummies and I'm on the second chapter of Conversing with your Fellow Human for Dummies. I suggest you take a look for such a book. Or the internet: everything's on there. Keep in touch; let me know how you're getting on.
Love Jamie x
St David's Day is fast approaching; I wondered if you had any good Cawl recipes, perhaps handed down your family through the female members? Also, can you help me make a decision regarding which emblem one should wear on said saint's day: my thinking currently is that although a daffodil is more pleasant on the eye and of course, nose, a leek is considered by most to be more traditional. What do you think?
With our family, Cawl isn't so much a tradition as a way to use up all the vegetables that are about to go off! There isn't really a recipe, you just slice loads of vegetables, throw them into a water-filled pot, put it on a hob and boil it. This is more tricky than a microwave meal, and yes, I did need a bit of practice, but I got the hang of it in less than a month of trying.
Daffodil or leek? A leek is heavier and harder to wear than a daffodil, though that never stopped mum pinning one to me in primary school. Things became much easier when mum bought me an artificial leek pin-badge, which I've worn proudly ever since.
As a staunch red-blooded Welshman, I'll have to be traditional and plump for a leek!
Love Jamie x
Do you think Easter is all it's cracked up to be?
Well, I think it's an important time of year. It's not some 'night out' that can be 'alright'! I'm not even sure I should dignify that question with an answer! To some it's a religious festival, to some it's a symbol of rebirth, so yes, I think people would be quite upset if it wasn't all it was 'cracked up' to be!
Love Jamie x
have a problem; I have become addicted to chocolate. It started at Christmas. I was bought a chocolate fountain and a lot of yummy chocolate which I demolished with glee. Valentine's didn't help, my flatmates and my boyfriend all bought me chocolate and Easter isn't looking good. I don't think I'm going to be able to stop; there are so many excuses to eat the beautiful creamy delicious chocolate..mmmm...Help! I've got cravings again. What can I do? I haven't gone a day without eating a big bar of chocolate for months! (and I mean a BIG bar).
Chocolate fountains are, quite possibly, my greatest fear, so you'll understand if I find it difficult to answer your question. It's surprisingly difficult to type whilst shuddering. Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate, but I've still got about 20 Easter eggs from two years ago. I really should throw them out, but I can't bring myself to do it!
It'll be impossible to escape chocolate altogether, at least in this country. Perhaps you should go to America, I'm told they don't have chocolate but candy, which you may not like, therefore curing you. Think analytically, which is more difficult, relocating to a different country or trying to give up chocolate?
Love Jamie x
Until next time - Jamie x
Valentine's Tips
- 12 Feb 2007 09:15
Valentine's Day is a special time in which you will naturally want to spoil that special person in your life. Here's my ideas on how you could make this year's February 14 one to remember:
Valentine's cards - make or buy?
Don't make a Valentine's card, buy one. You're never going to get that glossy finish with felttip pens. It costs a lot less to make a card, but why put in all the effort if there's a chance they don't feel the same way?
Flowers - too traditional?
I don't know about that but if you do, always buy artificial flowers; they last longer and don't need watering. A high-maintenance bunch of flowers could make her think YOU are highmaintenance. Oh, and; only give flowers to a girl if you're absolutely CERTAIN they haven't got a boyfriend. Consequences could be dire.
What about taking her out for a meal?
Never take a girl out for a meal around Valentine's day. The restaurants all put their prices up and they're always over-crowded. However, NEVER cook for them either, you'll never do it as good as a restaurant.
A night in with a DVD and a take out will be an extra-special winner. Fish and chips is always popular, but if you're feeling flash, take out pizza is a luxury to treat her to.
In the back row of the movies....
Valentine's day this year falls on a Wednesday; if you're an Orange customer and have managed to find a date you could take advantage or Orange Wednesdays. And maybe your valentine in the back row.
Don't have a date yet?
If you want to meet someone before Valentine's Day, don't go to a men-only club. This significantly reduces your chances of meeting someone female.
Also; chat up lines are wrong and bad - your victim, sorry, valentine, will much prefer it if you fill them in on your favourite hobbies such as your university society or current American TV series obsession. This will enable you to really be yourself and show your enthusiastic side, which they will love, especially if you talk non-stop for fifteen minutes.
Good luck and Happy Valentine's Day.
Send e-cards and tales of woe to the usual address: waterfrontdearjamie@hotmail.co.uk.
Love - Jamie x
Personal Ads and Geeks
- 12 Feb 2007 09:00
Do you want to pester Jamie? You can do so by leaving him a comment, and he'll get back to you right here in Waterfront. Any worries, problems or awkward questions, Jamie knows all and will tell all.
I know this might be a long shot and you may not be the person I am looking for (an old friend) but you do look a bit like him but older obviously, did you used to live in Fleetwood?
He has the same name as you: he used to have long straight dark hair like a rocker and those John Lennon type round glasses.
He was a nice guy and back then I was a bad girl. He was in love with me for years and watched my relationships screw up every time.
Anyway he was always there but I never gave him the time of day.
Eventually he got pissed off with seeing me with other people and I never saw him again.
I now find myself happy with a good boy, someone just like him which is so ironic. I have often wondered what he was up to: if he found love and all that stuff. It would be nice to see him again. Are you him?
No, but maybe we could start a campaign! "Are you Dear Jamie from Fleetwood? Get in touch your long lost bad girl needs you!"
But having said that I am known for being rather forgetful. Could it have been me?
Was I ever in Fleetwood for an extended period of time? Maybe it was me!
I tell you what, I will go home and check with my parents what the details of my life thus far have been and I will let you know the exact probability of me being your one time admirer.
Actually let's just hook up and go for a drink anyway.
With the Jedi ideology now recognised as a religion, what would you do if a fan of yours decided to form a religion (or maybe cult is the better word) in your honour?
And what ideals would you want to underpin the ideas which construct this religion?
A cult? In my honour? I'd be...er...honoured!
Everyone would have to like Star Trek... you could say that would be my prime directive!
Oh, and I'd get rid of double-meanings. It's not like I've memorised all of them, so how am I meant to avoid all of them?
For example, 'banging' is what you do to a drum - should that take your fancy - or a succession of loud noises.
When friends of mine didn't hear the loudspeakers going wrong in Diva's (now DV8) - because they went to the toilet - on their return I should have been able to let them know they'd "missed all the banging" without them choking on their drinks!
I mean really some people are bloody filthy aren't they?!
If you wrote one, what would your personal ad say?
FOR SALE. One Jamie unit. Common sense upgrade available, but never installed.
May go from silent mode to random babble without warning.
Failed Turning test. RSOH (Random Sense Of Humour).
Free to anyone up to the challenge. Accompanying laptop comes as standard.
What would you say to those in society who judge students, calling them dossers, spongers and a waste of time and energy?
Students are certainly not any of these things! It's really difficult for us to find time for a job, as most of our time is taken up with studying, but some superhuman students manage it!
There's nothing wrong with having a social life either, but I'm sure most students on campus would agree with me, two nights out a year is more than enough.
Is it physically possible to go out more often than this? If it is, I'll be genuinely shocked.
I did hear one of the guys in the office say that he had been out four nights consecutively and consumed extremely large quantities of alcoholic beverages on each evening.
But of course rather than considering him a 'dosser' I felt compelled to inform him of my everlasting respect for him.
I mean how many people can summon up the drive to study hard and play hard? I know I can't.
Would you describe yourself as a geek?
I'll use the dictionary to help me here.
- depreciative. any unsociable person obsessively devoted to a particular pursuit
I can't be unsociable, I don't talk to anyone. Also, I'm not obsessively devoted to any particular pursuit, because I'm obsessive about many things (plural) - sci-fi, computers, chess clubs, IQ puzzles, technogadgets - and they can't all be geekish, surely.
- A person, a fellow, esp. one who is regarded as foolish, offensive, worthless, etc.
Oi! Us geeks aren't foolish! Not that I'm a geek...or...anything...we've...er I mean they've just decided that brain is more important than brawn.
- geek, n. U.S. slang. A performer at a carnival or circus whose show consists of bizarre or grotesque acts, such as biting the head off a live animal
So I guess the answer is no! There we have it; conclusive proof that I'm not a geek! Live long and may you all prosper.
Until next time, keep on trekking!
Love Jamie x
Uncle Jamie