Pirates of the Caribbean
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I will forever boldly claim that The Curse of the Black Pearl is a 100% perfect family film. It has a brilliantly original story, amazingly racy action sequences, its incredibly funny, quotable and well there’s just something for everyone. Most importantly, it introduced us to one of the greatest cinematic characters of recent years: Captain Jack Sparrow. It’s a rare thing indeed when an actor gets away with totally going against the studio’s wishes, but not all actors are Johnny Depp who plays the sozzled swashbuckler as influenced by Keith Richards/David Bowie as one of the greatest and most likeable anti-heroes of all time. He’s having the time of his life in the role and so are we watching him. It’s a good old-fashioned blockbuster that just wants you to have a good time and not dumb it down by having a mess of CGI, explosions and no plot.
So after successfully making pirates cool again, of course, a franchise was born because one thing Disney do still know how to do is to bleed something dry for money. Dead Man’s Chest was a more than worthy sequel, keeping everything that made the first one great without simple repetition, and then some. It would take an incredible amount of cynicism or denial to not be blown away by how impressive the CGI of Bill Nighy’s Davey Jones and his fish-mutant crew of The Flying Dutchman looks. Fortunately, the film kept with the notion that you’ve got to have a compelling story to go with the action, and the race to escape the dreaded Kraken is superbly complimented by such jaw-dropping and hilarious action scenes like the three-way sword duel.
At World’s End is admittedly when things started getting a tad hazy. I’m one of the biggest defenders of Pirates you could hope to meet and still I get the giggles from my favourite critic, Mark Kermode’s youtube sensation rant on this film and have to concede that in many cases he is right. The plot is admittedly all over the place and after the distinctly The Empire Strikes Back ending to the last film, the proof of how much the films are carried by Depp is clear by how long the wait feels until we see him again. However, look me in the face and tell me seeing Depp and Keith Richards together as father and son wasn’t absolutely hilarious!
The world was surprised to hear of the fourth instalment On Stranger Tides and after exciting trailers and the news that the love plot was out in favour of Jack’s centre stage, can we dare to dream that we’ll see a return to the just plain fun of the first two films and that Depp will be able to carry it off all over again? C’mon, he’s Captain Jack Sparrow...savvy?
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Pirates of the Caribbean represents exactly what is wrong with cinema today. A multi million dollar budget: check. A cast that for the large part look like they’d struggle acting in the local panto: check. A vacuous and ludicrous plot that implores its audience suspends disbelief a step to far: check. A director that cannot direct traffic: check. The list is as long as my arm and Pirates checks every single cliché possible.
The plot (or plots) is first on the hit list. How stupid do the writers believe that their audiences are? Let’s begin with The Curse of the Black Pearl. A pirate kidnaps the daughter of a governor although her love, Will, enlists the help of another pirate to hunt his love down. Hardly original but how high can the expectations be of a film that is based upon a theme park ride. Dead Man’s Chest then takes the characters that everybody knew from the first film and throws everything that anybody knows about pirates at a screen and hope it sticks. Thirdly in At World’s End, Jack Sparrow is the only person in the world that can save pirate-kind. Why is it that the filmmakers wish for the audience to WANT pirate-kind to be saved? Pirates are terrible human beings yet Hollywood wants children to not only identify with them, but also support them.
The characters contribute to the dyer nature of these films. Orlando Bloom’s Will Turner is so wet and drippy that he just as well be water. Keira Knightly’s Elizabeth Swann as a cookie-cutter ‘strong-minded woman’ is a decent enough character ruined by a wooden performance. The majestic Johnny Depp’s Keith Richards impression infuriates me most. What Johnny Depp needs most is a good director. Tim Burton is an example of how to harness Depp’s talent into great performances. Jack Sparrow is the epitome of Johnny Depp’s creative freedom run far to wild and in need of reigning in.
The franchise as a whole always strikes me as designed by a group of people sitting around a table saying how much people will enjoy the adventures of a seemingly-drunk Johnny Depp
Overall, the franchise lasts over 7 and a half hours and all that happens is a load of cliché, some sleep-inducing and in fairness, some quite impressive special effects – not quite enough to last 7 and a half hours worth of a Hollywood film, but well done. For a fantasy trilogy, give me the original Star Wars any day.
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